


Sunlightverse - Meme ficlets & oneshots

by Asuka Kureru (Askerian)



Series: Sunlightverse [8]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Family, Ficlet Collection, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Gen, Human/Troll Hybrids, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/pseuds/Asuka%20Kureru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These ficlets will not make sense without having read Sunlightverse.</p><p>1) Dadbert and the children. kissing booboos<br/>2) Dirk/Equius, 100d public kissyface.<br/>3) Psi/Condy, awkward black romance failure.<br/>4) eridan<3<nepeta: hunter or the hunted?<br/>5) Summoner<>Tavros<3<Dave, slam battle.<br/>6) Condesce kisses Karkat to sort out her red feels<br/>7) Bonus sequel for eridan<3<nepeta<br/>8) Dirk & Nepeta, sequel to 2<br/>9) Jane & Feferi about Psii<br/>10) Dave & Signless about Karkat & Psii - sequel to 9<br/>11) Karkat and Kanaya, god animals</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dadbert and the children.

**Author's Note:**

> These ficlets are varying degrees of canonship. Some are, some are not, and some are kind of the bare bones that might have/will happen at some point but need reworking first. I haven't decided yet on all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked you:  
> Dadbert and the children. kissing booboos (or dad/GH lol how would that make any sense GH does not scrape his knees) 
> 
> (alas the GH one would have been hilarious. Couldn't figure it out though.)
> 
> ~130 words, possibly canon.

"Did I... ever do that?" his/not-his father asks, voice gentle and oddly rough, and leans in over his scraped elbow.

The kiss is light and self-conscious, John and his not-father exchanging laughing-at-myself looks that end up in rueful smiles.

(Beside them Jane watches, hands on her hips and harrumphing to make sure none of them notice how misty-eyed she is. John's sure Dad (... Jane's dad?) does, too.)

"Huh," she chokes out, "You smile the same way."

John laughs an oddly burbly laugh and grins wider.

And then Karkat starts wailing, " _Jegusfuck what the hell he's your **lusus** why are you guys **kissing**!!!_ " and his grin turns into a wild flood of a laugh, and so does his Dad's.

It doesn't help when Jane goes to pap Karkat in the face, because his stunned-speechless face is even funnier.


	2. Dirk/Equius, 100d public kissyface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **[azzandra](http://azzandra.tumblr.com/) asked you: **   
>  **Dirk/Equius, 100d public kissyface.**
> 
> 885 words, canon.

They are redesigning a water pump.

(Water pump is a simplistic and rather reducing word for that inspired piece of machinery. Equius can feel his own touch all over it, for all that he's never seen it before. At the same time it's the touch of him aged five sweeps -- clumsy and with no grasp of faster, smarter, more elegant shortcuts, more advanced mathematics.)

They are redesigning a water pump, in the heart of Alpha Strider's domain, the capital built to his name. There is art of hoofbeasts and musclebeasts everywhere, statues and fountains and weather vanes and bas-reliefs, realistic or stylized so much that their elegant lines are left at nothing but cryptic curves on the walls. Bowed-round necks, the line of a strong hindquarters, a tail proudly lifted into a flowing banner. It's very pleasing to the eye.

There is a hill at the center of the city and there is a building over it that oversees everything, that wraps around this tunnel digging into the hill and into the water table underneath and brings it forth. It is both castle and water tower for the city entire, a marvel of archaic engineering.

Also it's the only city they've seen so far that has enough water pressure for actual showers. The technology is most intriguing and needs to be applied to their home post-haste, if possible at all, because Equius for one is rather tired of having to detour by his Land to take a bath in his old hive every single time he gets dirty, or sweaty, or wants a shower at all. So while it is gratifying that the locals are falling over themselves to bring refreshments and tools and towels and whatever other offerings they think their gods will need or want, Equius has to admit he would have come anyway.

The company doesn't hurt either. The Dirk human -- no, that's ... either too forward or too hurtful and probably both -- Strider is sharp-minded and comes at things from interesting, original angles and takes criticism with equanimity. They work well together.

"My lord Blacksmith, may I trouble you for --"

Equius is gratified by their respect, though the muddle of colors the locals come in does not enable him to place them in any kind of due order. This one comes robed in his colors, though, the blue of his blood and the darker blues and blacks of his Aspect, and there is something sharp and appealing to the thirst for knowledge in her old eyes that pushes her to dare when the mayor himself would not. He bids her come closer, observe around his shoulder as he annotates Dirk's plans. Dirk smiles, faint and sharp, ember eyes on him.

His hands twist and shape metal into forms that would permit Dirk's designs to exist. There is a synergy there taking shape, there are people gathering, robed in Void and Space and Mind, and their attention is a whisper of rightness, a prayer, the feverish notes they take incense, it is gorgeous and perfect.

Dirk's fire-shaded wings cast more solid shadows than his own diaphanous cobalt.

"We're done," he says. The tightly leashed pride, the sheer satisfaction pull Equius' eyes up. Dirk has his shades up, over his hair; their eyes meet straight on through Equius' broken ones. He catches himself smiling back, with the same sense of well-deserved triumph, the same pride. Of _course_ they could do this, but it doesn't mean it was not a great accomplishment.

"I rather think you're right," he replies, hand light, cautious as he caresses the copper tubes and gears of the new machinery.

He'd straighten up at this point, only there's a hand curving over the back of his head, slipping under the ponytail he tied his mane back into. Pulling him in, despite his superior strength and size and weight, like of course he'll follow its demand, like of course it can make him. He is shocked silent.

After that there are lips on his, firm and demanding, and he's opening his mouth to a demanding tongue before he can even think twice. His heart kicks in his chest; he sways, goes tense, afraid for a second to fall and crush their creation, but Dirk holds him steady, chuckling in his mouth.

"There, there."

He lets Equius go, rolls back onto his heels, and he's uncurling from his crouch in a smooth, seamless second. Around them people have gone silent, save from a single giggle whose owner Equius will not smite only because it comes wrapped in Nepeta (and Dirk's) pink and burgungy.

"You get to pick the second date," Dirk tells him, and amidst an explosion of whispers he strides off to confer with his high priest, leaving him to sort metallic odds and ends and his feelings.

He did not even _notice_ he was being courted.

It was a highly efficient date nevertheless. Intense, tailored to both their interests, deepening their understanding of each other and their synergy tremendously.

Arousing, too, embarrassingly so.

He does not have the faintest idea how he'll top that.

First things first, strategy meeting with Nepeta. He can already tell Dirk will soon have a fist in his hair, not a hand, but he is not surrendering without a fight.


	3. Psi/Condy, awkward black romance failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **[vehrec](http://vehrec.tumblr.com/) asked you: **   
>  **Psi/Condy, awkward black romance failure.**
> 
> 231 words, potentially canon.

"I don't belong to you," he says, "not anymore, I won't, ever." Psychic power sparks, scoring her skintight suit, her face; she doesn't flinch. He wants to hurt her. He wants to hurt her even more for the way she isn't even lifting her claws at him, pulling out a trident, nothing.

"Of course you won't," she purrs, " _Helmsman_."

She leans into his space. His skin crawls. He hisses, eyes flaring, he refuses to be cowed, he won't. (Signless. Disciple. Dolorosa. Sollux. He won't.) He leans in, too, challenging, and she grins like he's so amusing, and he grits his teeth with the need to bite.

She gives him a chance when she closes the last inches, takes his mouth into a fast, savage kiss, the way she never did in all their sweeps together, the way he knew she wanted to.

He should bite back, he should snarl his contempt and his rage in her mouth, he should ...

Instead he starts crying, yellow tears mingling with yellow blood on ashy lips.

The shocked contempt on her face as she draws back hurts like the whip of a lash, but it's a clean, severing pain. He can't, now, he knows, he never could have, and when Summoner comes tearing in to shove them apart he is so intensely relieved he'll never have the chance to be goaded into trying again.


	4. EriNep, Hunter or the hunted?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Adi:**   
>  **eridan <3<nepeta: hunter or the hunted? >.>**
> 
>  
> 
> 1133 words, canon.

There's white sugar and black-kittied tea kettles everyfuckingwhere in this blighted place. Eridan lands, scowling already, and sure enough he gets sugar in his shoes in the very next second. It dusts itself down his leg and slithers down under his foot and crunches, it's horrible.

"Well?" he calls out. "I'm here now, come out an' tell me what the heck you wanted me ta come over for!"

It stinks like over-sweetened, boiled grass and cat litter. Eridan pulls his scarf up over his nose and clambers down the pyramid he landed on. The edge of a step crumbles under his foot and he has to jump down. Of course he lands knee-deep in a powder-sugar drift. Gogdamnit.

"Nep? Nep!"

No answer, only the wind.

"Come on, I know you can hear me, s' your land, now what in blazes do you even want? Tell me so I can get the hell away from the worst fuckin' land I ever set eyes on!"

Frgh. He doesn't even know why he bothered to come, apart from boredom and faint curiosity. There was just the invite from Nepeta's chumhandle, but so terse. Hell, maybe Nepeta isn't even the one who sent it, maybe it's a trap, because let's be honest now, when has he ever given the autistic purrbeast saccharine idiot the time of the day? And if she has need of his services, well, ain't like his skillset is unique, and she doesn't like him enough to request him when she could ask someone else. They have no reason to visit.

Yeah, this is starting to stink of a trap. He decaptchalogues a rifle. (He misses Ahab's Crosshairs something awful nowadays, but ain't no way his ancestor would hand it over to him. Least Rox didn't mind unloading some of her inventory on him. He could kiss her for that, only she ain't --surprise! -- interested.)

Now should he climb up for a better view, or would that make him too easy to snipe? His clothes are dark, so unless he finds himself a tea purrbeast to lean on he's about as obvious as a pustule on Her Condescension's gorgeous face. No, better to stay in the valleys between sugar cube mounds, so he has something at his back.

Sugar crunches silently behind him.

He whirls around, shoots. The stink of caramel wafts back to him, a scorched brown track is left on the ground. Nothing more. He takes off running for the corner of the pyramid, throws himself down into a crouch and executes a perfect corner-turn-and-aim.

Nothing, but he can see footprints here and there. Stupid of 'em not to climb up onto harder, glazed steps. He's got them. He follows at a trot, scanning the area with a sharp eye. His blood is pumping, his senses straining in a way he's been missing; action, danger, the chance to kill some uppity lowblood in the face.

He hears a liquid gurgle and slows down, suspicious; at the next turn is the sinuous green ribbon of a tea river, faintly steaming. The tracks end there on the edge. Hissing softly between his teeth, he sneaks closer, eyes what he can see of the other bank. No tracks to be seen start back there, but maybe the intruder let themselves flow downstream and will resurface on the same bank; it's hard to see far with how much the river curves and winds around.

Upriver would be too hard to navigate, so... Eridan starts to follow downstream.

No crunch of sugar this time. Something impacts his back like a small cannonball. He and his gun fly off the bank, straight into hot tea.

It's not enough to scald but it hurts anyway. He resurfaces with a furious snarl, whirls around, struggling against the current to get back to the bank. He's got tea in his fucking gills and his gun is lost in murky green grass soup, he is going to kill the --

A small girl in a huge overcoat crouches there, perfectly dry, watching him wordlessly.

He spends maybe a half-second being startled that it was Nepeta after all, and then his purple lock slops wetly across his eye and she _smirks_ and he charges.

She's strong and he didn't expect it, and perhaps he should have. She doesn't use her hunting claws, just her own, but he's quickly smeared in purple anyway. They roll on the sandy sugar beach and throw it into each other's eyes and she mule-kicks him in the thigh trying to get at his bulge and and it's not until until she catches his face between all of her claws that he even starts to get what the fuckin' hell is even going on.

And then she kisses him and he doesn't even have time wondering if perhaps he's imagining things again, because the way she's trying to chew his lips off? No he ain't.

Someone hates him, someone sees him and hates him, and he almost doesn't care that it's the chick he's barely looked twice at _ever_ , because by gog he is finally going to get some action.

He wraps longer arms around her back to haul her in, bites back, tastes green blood, just as disgustingly cloying as it should be; he laps it off her chin, growls when she digs claws in his sides. Thank fuck for his clothes because shredded gills is kinda heavy for a first date. He tries to roll now he's got her pinned and she proves he didn't have her that pinned when she managed to get enough distance to plant her heels on his bone bulge and heave.

Ow, fuck. He rolls on the sand, lands at the edge of the tea, sits up. She's standing there with purple and green streaks all over her front, her hands. She looks wild, hair mussed into wild flying curls, fangs bared.

"Erridan Ampurra, you are the most horrible purrson I've ever met. You are selfish and you _use_ people and you never really cared about anyone but you _efur_ and I can't even imagine how you can live like that but it's _disgusting!_ "

He sits up, blinks slowly. He takes the time to slick his bangs back, school his face into haughty indifference. His crotch aches. It's marvelous.

"So... does that mean you wanna hit that, blackrom style? 'cause I kinda gathered, on account a not bein' a brain-deficient feral twit."

She tackles him into the river again. He rolls with it, literally. He drags her under and mashes his mouth to hers and rolls to the bottom, presses his lithe swimmer's body to her surprising amount of compact muscles. Now they're gonna see who can breathe tea longer.

And then maybe pail some, if he's very lucky.


	5. Summoner<>Tavros<3<Dave, slam battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **[theunvanquishedzims](http://theunvanquishedzims.tumblr.com/) asked you: **   
>  **Summoner <>Tavros<3<Dave, slam battle. **
> 
> 455 words, not canon.

"I'm, uh, perhaps in the process of, you know, rethinking this," Tavros admitted quietly. His ancestor (descendant?) wound an arm around his shoulders and hugged him to his side, and Tavros thought faintly it was a good thing he was so much taller, or they'd clang horns even more than they'd just done. Also he had to turn his head a little away in order not to hit Rufioh in the chest, which might have been somewhat painful, but now that meant he couldn't lean into his chest and shake.

Which was good because he should be brave! He had a date. He had a hate-date. He had a hate-date and he was going to _woo the pants off his dark intended_.

Yes.

Hopefully.

"Aw, buddy, no, no rethinking, all your brain's doing is tripping you up. There, just turn it off, you know?"

"Haha, yeah. I'll try," Tavros promised, without much hope.

He could do it despite his brain, he was sure. Yes. He could.

Rufioh stepped back from him, and around his horns -- Tavros almost clocked him in the collarbone turning his head to track him -- and stepped up face to face. He cupped Tavros' jaws in his rough hands and leaned in, big and strong and sheltering -- to press warm lips to his forehead. Tavros sighed out in quiet happiness, tilted his head up into it so Rufioh's lips slipped to the bridge of his nose, dropped a little shy kiss of his own on the side of his chin.

Whatever happened, he'd have Rufioh still. Not even his brain could make him believe he wouldn't.

He smiled up at his moirail-ancestor, gave a -- he hoped, he'd practiced -- firm nod, and went, shoulders squared bravely.

\--

" _Jade Jade oh gog please help we were slamming and then Nitram Minor kisses me right on the mouth, well okay a little off-center dear jegus that was lame, and then Nitram Major gives him **a thumbs up** oh my god why Jade you need to kiss me to wipe the horror from my mind kiss me now come on mark your territory maybe not doggy-style but it's the same instincts right I beg you please awgh awgh awgh. Nrgh_."

"... Sure, no problem, but after that we need to go after Karkat. I don't know if it's another ashy thing to stop him trying to bite off people trying to blackflirt with you but I'm kinda scared he might actually end up hate-making out with Tavros instead."

"... Okay yeah, we're going now. Kiss me later, I'm holding you to it. Damn it, Vantas, cockblocking me even when you're not there, see if I don't cockblock you right back."

"Pfff."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (yep sorry no davetav reciprocation in this 'verse. :X)


	6. Condesce kisses Karkat to sort out her red feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Anonymous asked you:**   
>  **For the kiss meme - maybe Condesce kisses Karkat to sort out her red feels? It beats listening to Kurloz whine again about not getting any. (Karkat: oh god empress is kissing, why is everyone kissing me, halp)**
> 
> 823 words, I have no idea re: whether it's canon at all. :X
> 
> (also yeah my Grand Highblood isn't Kurloz cause created before we even met him but i know what you mean anonbrosis. u.u)

"Come here, buoy."

Nothing she can do to him would be Just, and she's not, he thinks, doing anything he needs to be heroic over -- thank fuck because he tends to drop the ball on that kind of stuff, and besides she looks pensive more than hostile or schadenfreuding. He pads closer, wings fanning out crimson behind him; her lips quirk some.

She's so tall compared to him, even now he's older, towering, and the horns...

"Scared, little guppy? Got no reason to be."

"Excuse the fuck out of me if I'm not entirely convinced, Your Condescension."

"So respectful!" she laughs, but he knows she knows he means it somewhat defensively.

It's weird but she seems vaguely hurt about it. He must be hallucinating.

"Still hoping to be my chief Treshie, or has that ship sailed?"

Karkat stares up at her, those terrifying magenta eyes, that shark smile, those spear horns, taller than he is.

"... Meenah?"

He can't help whispering. She snorts. "You sound like you don't expect me to be her. Or her to be me." She shrugs, twitches her head to remove a long black lock from her face. "Surprise! I had a wiggler name, too. _I was even a wiggler once_."

"No, but you -- you _remember_?"

Another shrug, a faint snort. "Shrimp, you got any idea at all how glubbing old I am? A miracle I even remember the face of my own coddamn lusus, and then again s' probably because I still had to feed her for a coupla centuries afore I found a coupla suckerfishes to foist it off on. The game stuff ain't slotted in all proeper, for me to remember it at all."

But she does. Oh. Karkat leans in, eyes widening a little, trying not to hope and failing. "But you're -- I mean, shit, I don't even know what I mean. Have you even changed that much? Because I -- we got along, back then, didn't we? That was... that was pretty cool." He's being so presumptuous, but she doesn't silence him, she just listens, head tilted a little.

And then she smiles, and it's so terrifying his endoskeleton turns to jelly, of fucking course. "Shore did, Karcrab. But you never did ditch those losers to come fight with me. I'm disappointed."

Karkat shivers. What the fuck is going on, there's something here but he can't figure it out. He's torn between hurrying off in terror before his empress as a fucking mutant, standing his ground as the friendleader of the goddamn party, and be glad he's seeing one person he could have been good friends with once again, when he never thought he would. It's nerve-wracking.

... Also she's looming closer. He thought it was just an optic illusion, how her hair seemed to grow and creep along the edges of his field of vision, but it's merely that she's leaning over him. Holy shit. "Yeah, uh, my bad, shit happened. I would have if I could," he assures her, and he even means it. He's trying to think of her like she's Gamzee, a terrifying murderfiend who's inexplicably fond of him and it'd be insulting not to be fond back and terror is counterproductive to survival so stuff it. He's having moderate success so far.

"I believe you," she replies around a laugh -- more sophisticated but the same underneath -- "now don't you move," and then she leans in the rest of the way.

Oh wow empress mouth.

Like. On his mouth.

It's not black, it's too light for it, but not pale either or her lips wouldn't part against his, guiding them to part in turn. They breathe the same air for a second, and he stops breathing with a gasp because _isn't that disrespectful or something_ and she chuckles against his lips. Her tongue is oddly cold, she tastes salty, her lipstick smears on his lip a bit.

He lets her explore him for a few seconds, completely fucking stunned out of his thinkpan, and then he places a light, cautious hand on her forearm and leans back and says with perfect poise and calm, "Okay what the fuck."

She studies him for another second and then she laughs and leans back and flicks her hand, royal to her taloned fingertips, eyes coolly distant once again. He feels for an instant like he broke something fragile he's never getting back.

She turns to leave, hair swaying, horns jutting proud, and he's never going to get an explanation either and how dare he even think to ask one of _her_. " _Meenah!_ " he calls despite himself. She pauses.

"Li'l me used ta like the cut of your jibe," she drawls over her shoulder, "and the fit of your pants. But you're too much of a guppy now, little school leader. Oh well, so many more fish in the sea."

Karkat stands there a long time after she's gone.


	7. Bonus: Definitely the Hunted - fallout for the Nepeta <3< Eridan

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] changed his status to caligitaken! --

CG: WHAT. 

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] is idle! Message: Mroww, mangy stray cat has clawws <3< \--

CG: NO, SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHAT.  
CG: BEFORE THE GRUESOME EXPLOSION OF MY PAN SHOWERS THE WHOLE ISLAND IN FLAMING, PUTRID DEBRIS.   
CG: ERIDAN? ERIDAN, YOU SAD LUSUS DIDDLER. 

\--

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] trolled arsenicCatnip [AC] --

CG: NEPETA.   
AC: :33 << *ac is surpurrised karkitty is pouncing her first and gasps a little bit*  
AC: :33 << its a nice surpurrise though. hi!   
CG: YEAH, WHATEVER, HI.   
CG: LOOK, I ALMOST DON'T WANT TO ASK.   
AC: :33 << *ac tilts her head patiently and purrs encouraging cg to share*  
AC: :33 << *she offers a cushion for cg to sit on and kneads her own into a pleasant shape*  
CG: I ALWAYS MANAGE TO BLOT OUT OF MY MIND THE MOST PAINFULLY RIDICULOUS ASPECTS OF TRYING TO HOLD A HALFWAY PRODUCTIVE CONVERSATION WITH YOU.   
CG: LET US HOPE AMNESIA WILL STRIKE FAST THIS TIME AROUND.   
CG: KARKAT SITS ON THE GODDAMN CUSHION AND WONDERS WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE DOESN'T HAVE CHAIRS AND WHEN THE FLOOR WAS LAST SWEPT FOR DUST BECAUSE HOLY SHIT GRAY INDOOR SNOW SHOULD NOT BE A THING.   
CG: IT'S ABOUT THIS GLORIOUS PIECE OF SPONGE-MELTING IDIOCY.   
CG: caligulasAquarium [CA] is idle! Message: Mroww, mangy stray cat has clawws <3<   
AC: :OO << ohhh!!! :DD  
CG: TELL ME HE INADVERTENTLY GOT HIMSELF INTO AWKWARLY HITTING ON YOUR CAVE LIONESS OF AN ANCESTRESS AND THINKING SHE IS LAUGHING OUT OF RAGE AT HIS CUNNING PLANS.   
AC: :33 << sorry cg i cant tell you that!   
AC: :33 << *ac cant take a picture of her wall as the panel is still in progress but she is happy to reproduce the writing for her furiend*  
AC: X33 << *it reads HUNTRESS SHIPPURR <3< LOVEBANE OTH FUREVER.*   
CG: OH NO.   
AC: :33 << *and underneath can be read in nice bright still drippy red:*   
AC: :33 << CANON!!!   
CG: NO NO NO. I REFUSE THIS REALITY. THIS IS THE WRONG REALITY. THIS REALITY IS BROKEN. I DEMAND A REFUND.   
AC: :33 << its not broken! its purrfect.   
CG: NO BUT SERIOUSLY, ERIDAN BROBACKSTAB HOPESLAYER DESPERATE AMPORA?   
CG: BUT HE'S  
CG: I CAN'T EVEN FIND THE WORDS.   
CG: CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW CATASTROPHICALLY WEIRD SHIT HAS TO BE BEFORE I MISPLACE THOSE.   
AC: :|| << selfish and loathsome and he cant f33l anything for anyone not HIS OWN DUMB SELF??   
AC: >:|| << AND HE DOESNT EVEN HATE ME BACK HES JUST USING ME FOR A CHANCE AT A PAIL! >:((  
AC: :33 << i hate him so much karkitty. its like everything he is is so wrong i just n33d to bite it into pieces!   
AC: :33 << but hes also got a really nice butt. ://   
CG: HUH.   
CG: YEAH, POINT. A SAD, ASHAMED POINT WHO FEELS VERY DIRTY IN ITS LITTLE POINT SOUL, BUT A POINT ALL THE SAME.   
AC: :33 << i guess ill just have to make him hate me!   
AC: :33 << *ac says while licking her paw and cleaning her whiskers all the while smiling mysteriously*  
CG: WELL, IF YOU GO IN WITH THAT SORT OF MINDSET.   
CG: I GUESS YOU'VE JUST STARTED DATING, ANYWAY, THERE'S TIME FOR HONEST LOATHING TO DEVELOP.   
CG: I SEE YOU'VE GOT A PLAN FOR THAT ALREADY, AND BOY DO I KNOW HOW ANNOYING YOU CAN GET WHEN YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT, SO... GOOD LUCK?   
AC: :33 << :DD  
AC: :33 << *ac rubs the top of her head against her friends shoulder and purrs very loudly*  
AC: :33 << *she is purry happy he believes in her!*   
AC: :33 << *this deserves a grooming she says and starts licking cg clean*  
CG: AND ON THAT SLOBBERY NOTE. 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] --


	8. Dirk & Nepeta, about Dirk/Equius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _stheere asked you:  
>  Um um DIRK AND NEPETA talking about Equius. =3 _

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling timaeusTestified [TT] ! -- 

AC: :33 < *the cave lioness pounces from the bushes and tackles her prey to the ground!!*    
AC: :33 < *today she doesn't care about godmodding one bit! she plants her claws in her prey's hide, and leans furry close, and growls all low and scary*   
AC: >:00 < what are your intentions toward my meowrail??? >:00   
TT: Huh.    
TT: The stallion is brought to the ground by the lioness' startling and not godmoddey at all pounce, and whinnies sadly because his mouth is not formed ideally for speech.    
TT: Thankfully he also has access to kicking rad shades to type messages with, because his hooves would make a mess of a keyboard.    
AC: don't laugh at me! that'd be a really bad idea right now, okay??    
TT: "I'm not," the stallion IMs through his awesome glasses. He kicks against the ground and rolls to shake the lioness off.    
TT: Because he's not a godmodding bastard, he gets scratched pretty badly down his side and his hot rump shaking her claws out, but the scars will probably look sexy, so he deals with it.    
AC: >:|| < fine.    
AC: :33 < *the lioness growls and circles the stallion again, her long muscled body low to the ground, ready to pounce. she pauses and licks a claw. mmm, he would be delicious.*    
AC: :33 < *she wonders most seriously if she should even wait for an answer or just tear into his jugular right now!*    
TT: The stallion stomps his hooves on the ground, but doesn't charge. He recognizes her as the best, best, best friend of that sexy hunk of horsemeat he's been shaking his tail at recently. He supposes the other stallion would be angry if they fought.    
TT: "Hey there, what's up," he asks, cool and collected and a total bro about the slices she just tore out of his side.    
AC: :33 < *the lioness stops circling for a moment and growls* i asked what do you want with my meowrail!    
TT: To take him on a long, hard ride over the rainbow.    
TT: For some reason it feels kind of wrong to say that to you, wow. Sorry, the temptation to make a quip was too strong to resist.    
AC: >:// < if you try to hurt him *the lioness says, entirely serious* i will kill you.    
TT: It would not behoof me to hurt one I desire as a companion.    
AC: >:// < NO PUNNING!! you're not gonna distract me like that!!!    
TT: Alright. I'll can the goofiness.    
TT: I like him, Nepeta, okay? I think he's smart as hell and it's horribly cute how uncertain he gets around people.    
AC: >:|| < ... hmm.    
AC: :33 < pale or flushed?    
TT: Flushed, of course. Not only would I not even attempt to compete with you for his diamond, but he's got an ass to die for. I'd be real fucking disappointed to never get to handle that.    
AC: :33 < :333333   
AC: :33 < but for real, right, not only for sex?? because i mean it, okay? he's sensitive, you catnot hurt him!!!    
AC: i would really, entirely, totally kill you dead. and then i'd hide the corpse so well that centuries later they'd still think you're migrating with the herds. >:((    
TT: Whoa, there. I'm not planning to hurt him at all.    
TT: Well.    
TT: Not emotionally.    
AC: >:?? < *the lioness hisses quietly*   
TT: Are you sure I can talk about that kind of stuff with you? It's sexual, do you need to know that shit about him?    
AC: :33 < of course i know that shit about him! i know what he likes in efurrything. what do YOU know about it??    
TT: I know he plays haughty and distant, but it's just to protect how savagely he dreams of someone breaking him to the saddle.    
AC: k33p going.    
TT: I want that, Nepeta.    
TT: I want to give him what he wants and can't make himself ask for. I want him to give into his need. I want to train him to actually fucking ask for what he wants. I want him to be mine.    
TT: And when we're done I want to pet his hair and tell him what a good foal he is.    
AC: :33 < HMMMM.    
AC: X33 < *the lioness sits and starts grooming her paw, purring quietly* you do s33m to understand him. furry well! *she says,* i will allow you to court the bl00 stallion.    
AC: :33 < but don't furget i can and i will stalk you from the shadows if you make the merest wrong move!!!    
TT: No chance of that, my queen.    
TT: The orange stallion bows his regal neck in agreement and trots off, tail flagging high.    
TT: He has a man to see about a horse. 8)    
AC: :33 < h33. 


	9. Feferi & Jane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Anonymous asked you:  
>  Feferi and Jane, speculating if someone might be pregnant (maybe one of the former trolls who doesn't realize what's happening?)_

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] ! --

CC: )(ey t)(ere, lifesister! 38D   
GG: Hello. Feferi, right? With the color of your text it has to be a Peixes, but I doubt the Condesce would be so happy to see me.    
GG: I deduce with my highly trained detective's mind that you need something from me.    
CC: )(--EY! T)(at's reely mean, I could just want to carp a bit.    
CC: I know we )(aven't glubbed muc)( so far but t)(ere's no reason not to start now, rig)(t?    
GG: You could, but you aren't, are you? :B   
CC: 38X Wow, )(ars)(. You're so mean.    
CC: T)(e meena)(est.    
GG: Oh, that one was bad. Also, not a fish pun!    
CC: Water else could be more nautically t)(emed t)(an a fis)( troll w)(o's been s)(arking around for t)(ousands of sweeps, I will ask you.    
GG: Pretty much nothing. Very well, pun accepted.    
CC: 38D   
CC: Acts)(oally you were rig)(t all along, but also not rig)(t! I've wanted to talk wit)( you for a w)(ile now, I just kelpt being distracted by ot)(er t)(ings. But today I )(ave a topic for t)(e boat of us to discuss.    
CC: It can be bot)( an awesome icebreaker and somefin productive and potentially very necessary!    
GG: :B I will bask in the warm, successful glow of being right but also wrong.    
GG: I take it it's a Life-related issue?    
CC: Sort of, probably, yes?    
CC: I don't know if it's because )(e's a Gemini boy and t)(ey take t)(at s)(elly duality t)(ing seariously or w)(at, but...    
CC: )(ave you been around t)(e Psiioniic recently?    
GG: Not really, we might be neighbors but he doesn't get out much, and when he's out he's usually with his friends; I don't like to disturb.    
GG: What's the issue?    
CC: W)(ale, most of t)(e times I'm around )(im )(e's visiting Sollux, rig)(t? But )(is quadrantmates are always sc)(ooled up around )(im, so it's )(ard to tell.    
CC: And I also want to let )(im and Solefis)( )(ave t)(eir privacy, and )(e's kinda R--E--ELY nervous around me.    
CC: for pretty good reasons 38(   
CC: so w)(en )(e visits I usually go and )(ang out wit)( Aradia or Jade or Eridan.    
GG: Hm. That makes sense.    
CC: But t)(is morning t)(ey )(ung back some, and I was busy inside t)(e )(ouse so I stayed put, and   
CC: I t)(oug)(t t)(ere was maybe a t)(ird person wit)( t)(em?    
CC: But no, just Sollux and t)(e Psiioniic.    
CC: So t)(en I sidled closer! And I freaked )(im out a bit, t)(e poor guy, but now I'm S)(ORE t)(ere is SOM-EFIN R---E---ELY W---EIRD about )(im!    
GG: Aw shucks, I just guessed the end of this story.    
CC: )(--E )(AS TWO LIF--E AURAS!    
GG: ... And I just won five bucks from myself.    
CC: 38O )(----EY! W)(at )(ave you guessed??? No fair playing it all mysterious and smart, Miss Detective!    
GG: Oh, I'm not playing it smart. I believe if you were in any way familiar with mammalian biology that you would have understood at once.    
GG: Perchance, was his second glow mostly gathered in his stomach or belly area?    
CC: ...    
CC: Yes! O)( no, is )(e )(arboring MAMMAL PARASIT-ES?? 38O   
GG: Of a sort, yes.    
GG: Good Lord.    
GG: Did your, ah, schoolfeeding ever take the time to develop mammalian reproduction?    
CC: .........    
CC: .......................    
CC: W)(ale, fuck.    
CC: You get to tell )(im!!!    
GG: Of course. It wouldn't do to distress him further, especially in his current state.    
GG: Will you want me to share my findings with you when I'm done examining him? Not about his general health, as I understand if I am to do this village doctor thing I should probably maintain a minimum of confidentiality, but the general reproductive features?    
CC: O)(, s)(ore! 38D   
CC: I LOV--E creepy t)(ings. And no offense to ex-mammal-you but you don't get MUC)( CREEPIER t)(an internal brooding!    
CC: Do you t)(ink )(e'll be able to feel t)(em WRIGGLING? )(ow will t)(ey come out???    
GG: I suspect they'll take the same path which they entered with. That is usually how it happens, bar traumatic horror movies I would rather not rehash now.    
GG: Humans were usually able to feel their offspring moving around in the womb, yes, once they were grown enough. Our new anatomy is somewhat different now, so I don't know, but it seems a logical assumption.    
GG: I will certainly consult with you, though. I shouldn't be the only one having a learning experience here!    
CC: 38D I t)(ink )(e's aboat to )(ave one, too!    
CC: even if w)(at )(e learned for all of us is W)(OOPS DON'T PUT IT IN. a)(a)(a)(a o)( man, Sollux is going to FR---EAK.    
GG: That is a bit unkind, Feferi. :/    
GG: I guess someone had to find out for all of us at some point...    
CC: yea)(, yea)(, saury. 38X But you )(ave to admit it's finny. You totally laug)(ed!    
GG: ... Fine, maybe a little. In a "oh dear" way.    
GG: I wish it hadn't been him, though. His mental and physical health are poor enough as it is.    
GG: Pregnancy can be a major stress on the body.    
CC: I guess now everyone will )(ave a good reason to carp on )(im to eat more. And also sleep sometimes.    
GG: Mnh.    
CC: O)( carp!!!    
GG: What is it?    
CC: I don't t)(ink you'd know, adventurous as )(e says )(e is your mantasprit seems kind of slow aboat t)(at kind of t)(ing...    
GG: Hey!    
CC: But trolls can kind of   
CC: get inside eac)( ot)(er at t)(e same time?    
GG: What, you mean...    
GG: Um. Both penetrating and being penetrated? At the same time?    
CC: Y--ES! And okay a )(uman wouldn't know t)(at so probably none of you guys )(ave tried it yet, but trolls would know.    
CC: I'd betta c)(eck on Psiioniic's quadrants, w)(at if t)(ey're teeming too?? 38O   
GG: Goodness, what a clusterfuck. Yes, please, do. We'll convene later to share new biological information, how about it?    
CC: S)(ore t)(ing.    
CC: )(a)(a, mammal reproduction takes only two genetic donors, rig)(t? I wonder w)(ic)( one would )(ave given grubs to w)(o. 38D   
GG: Feferi! That's private and none of our business.    
CC: Pfff. I bettya also wanta know!    
GG: No, I most certainly do not care to know!    
CC: 38P s)(ore you don't.    
GG: ... Fine, I might be feeling a touch of curiosity regarding the paternity of this child, but it is still none of my business and I am certainly not going to go looking for an answer to THAT particular riddle.    
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a.    
GG: I'll contact you later. A-consulting I go! 

\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] stopped trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --

\--

\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] started trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --

GG: *BOTH.*    
CC: Psii's grub )(as BOT)( Signless and Disciple as doradonors?    
CC: Or do you mean t)(ere's TWO grubs??    
GG: BOTH TO BOTH. 


	10. Signless & Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _thingsareswinging replied to your post: SUNLIGHTVERSE FICLET MEME.  
>  Dave & Signless, discussing karkat _
> 
> _Daikonpan asked you:  
>  SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN CONDOMS TO THE FORMER TROLLS. Possibly Jade. I would trust Jade to give sex ed._
> 
> Some kind of mix of the two.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling cardinalGallivant [CG] ! -- 

TG: so hey dude   
TG: i figure youre just about the coolest adult extroll so far and also the most likely to not go all tightnooked with offense and also by now youd have found a solution to keep from oopsing again and also itll piss off karkat hardcore ifwhen he figures out i asked you   
TG: not that this is in any way related to him or anyone either of us know   
CG: NATURALLY not. (:B   
CG: I TAKE IT you have a Question of a ... somewhat Delicate nature?    
TG: yeah lets call it that why the hell not   
CG: IS IT AT ALL related to my Knowledge of his Beforan self? Because that might be violating his Privacy somewhat.    
TG: huh?? no dude not at all just trolls in general   
TG: like   
TG: uh wow im all aflutter here did not expect that to happen    
TG: totes blaming the new and inferior trollnatomy   
TG: and with this cunning segue   
TG: uh   
CG: TROLL ANATOMY in Particular? (:B   
TG: yes well   
TG: yeah   
CG: I AM Listening.    
TG: okay just gonna ask    
TG: howd you guys handle contraception back in ye olden days????    
CG: AH.    
CG: WE POURED the Pail out into a ditch.    
CG: MY apologies.    
TG: wow well that was amazingly useless   
TG: also i feel like singing duh a hundred times and bouncing my skull off a wall on the beat itd make an awesome base for some mad rapping action   
CG: BELIEVE ME, I wish I could Help you.    
CG: ESPECIALLY As I do not Believe Karkat is quite ready to handle a Grub of his own.    
CG: OR YOUR OWN.    
CG: OR JADE'S own.    
TG: bluh   
TG: no kidding i dont care how long we might well live now that were one with the godhood or what the fuck ever and how i dont have highschool to finish anymore im still not doing the teen dad thing   
TG: my bro did it and it fucked up his life i mean im not saying he resented me or anything for it and we were hella tight but he coulda done so many awesome things if he didnt have to wipe my baby ass and teach me to handle a ninja sword   
CG: I SEE. WHAT Do your Ashenmates think about the Topic?    
TG: they think they dont wanna talk about the topic and also were not even   
TG: uhh okay you wont tell anyone else right   
CG: I GIVE YOU MY WORD. This Discussion will stay between the Two of us.    
TG: no need to go all formal no shit but cool k thnx   
TG: were not even having sex yet   
TG: at all??    
TG: i mean its kinda obvious its where its going only karkat is in enough denial to think how often we fall on each others mouth face first means were gonna keep this perfectly ashplatonic   
TG: but see he doesnt want to discuss it so we cant decide how to handle it first and uh   
TG: its    
TG: super embarrassing to talk about it with jade like i turn bright red and then i    
TG: argh   
CG: I REMEMBER HOW it was back then. Don't fret. Talking about these things is Difficult even for Adults, even in Long-standing Relationship.    
TG: thats so reassuring wow   
CG: HEH.    
TG: anyway id rather have a plan in place for when it happens cause the way things are going the way its gonna happen is gonna be pretty spontaneous like whoops is that a fight is that a war no its supermack   
TG: and then whoops too late and then whoops suddenly daddy   
CG: HOW DID HUMANS HANDLE Such things, if I may ask?    
TG: oh uh   
TG: we wrapped these thin plastic pocket things around our dicks there was like a tiny pocket at the end for the jizz    
CG: HUH.    
TG: i guess a troll trying that woulda launched it into space with the high pressure hose action   
TG: wheres my condom trollita oh no i shot it down your deepest crevice like a cannonball youre gonna sneeze it up sometime next week my bad   
TG: i am so not asking jane or her dad to hand me their saran wrap so i can mummify my dick in the stupidest attempt to have it fall off and still ooze spunk in unfortunate places through the gaps anyway   
CG: THAT DOES SOUND rather Ill advised.    
CG: MY BEST SUGGESTION WOULD BE To ask the Local Inhabitants if they may have some Solution of their own.    
TG: oh hey they might have some plants and shit thats how humans did it before we invented rubber   
TG: wasnt super reliable tho i hope like fuck our human ladies were thinking real hard about not wanting no stretch marks while making this universe and their shit is more efficient   
CG: THAT Is a potentially interesting Solution!    
CG: I WISH YOU good luck finding a villager to ask it to. (:B   
TG: ...    
TG: you dick   
CG: I FIND MYSELF VERY PROUD of a young man willing to Brave the Humiliation of explaining his Ignorance to Strangers and then Begging for their help in Pailing his Kismesis and Matesprit. Such Fortitude is Commendable.    
TG: oh my god you just became even more hateable than karkitty somehow    
CG: THERE, THERE, I AM MERELY Teasing you. (;B   
CG: TO BE HONEST, I would rather be able to Enjoy my own Companions once more without risking a second Set of Wigglers. We are already Poorly prepared to handle the First as it is.    
CG: WOULD YOU LIKE SOME Company when you go in search of a helpful village?    
TG: ...    
TG: fuck yes   
TG: but youre still a dick


	11. Karkat and Kanaya, god animals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: If you're still doing Sunlightverse, Karkat and Kanaya discussing their fellow deities?

“Have you figured out which animal was yours to call?” Kanaya asked as Karkat was dragging his feet through the grass toward her. She was sitting by one of the rivulets of water that came out of that weirdass, nonsensical pool at the very top of the island-hill, under the bluest tree. 

Karkat paused, frowning down at her, at the way she stared down at her cupped hands, and then sighed. “I asked around. Let’s see yours, then. Hopefully it’ll suck less than mine.”

Kanaya leaned back, opened her hands, unveiling a trio of tiny, jewel-toned frogs. “I wish I could say I was surprised,” she said dryly, though there was still a little smile on her face. 

Karkat realized he was about to step on one of the dozens of goddamn frogs gathered adoringly around her in the high, messy grass, and pulled his foot back, almost landing on his ass and rolling backwards down the slope he had just finished climbing. Kanaya caught one of his windmilling arms and reeled him back upwards; Karkat sat, cautiously, on her rock. 

“Thanks. Well. Vriska can call spiders, scorpions, and basically anything that scuttles around and can ruin someone’s day with venom,” he said as he leaned closer to politely look at Kanaya’s handful. “Wasn’t a surprise either, but it was still appropriate. Yours is… Yeah.”

One of the frogs jumped on his knee. Karkat sat very still. He wanted to believe it felt something of an echo of their Game duties – the Knight helped the Space hero with the universe frog, right? – but probably it just wanted to be closer to Kanaya.

“It would have been appropriate for Jade or for the Dolorosa, too,” Kanaya replied with a little frown between thin eyebrows. “If we count the frog breeding duties as significant.”

“Jade’s got woofbeasts, which is more significant since she actually _was_ one, and the Dolorosa did jack shit regarding the game in her latest life so pretty much fuck her.”

Kanaya sighed in a vaguely amused way. “She can call slitherbeasts. I don’t know why. Those eat frogs, don’t they? Maybe because she failed to birth a new universe…”

“Maybe because those tattoos look like slitherbeasts,” Karkat said with a snort. “I mean. The scarier Megido goes around with _butterflies_. Who the fuck even knows why? God tier wings? All the trolls have those. The Game is a random asshole and that’s it. Don’t break your brain over it.”

“Or maybe it’s a death and rebirth symbolism.”

“Oh la la, _symbolism_.”

“What’s yours, then?” Kanaya asked, smiling at him. Karkat grumbled own at  his knee frog. It was looking up at him with its bulbous, unimpressed eyes.

“… I haven’t managed to call up a single thing yet. Maybe they don’t live nearby. But I got annoyed and asked some villagers, and. Um.”

“Yes?” 

“Things, _I quote,_ that are not insects but have _something shell-like_ and _want to fuck up your day._ So yay me, I get snapping shellbeasts. _Signless_ gets the crabdads, how is that fucking fair in any kind of universe?! They’re cranky assholes! _Mine_ was a cranky asshole, anyway. Urgh. Why can’t I get cholerbears.”

Kanaya snickered, and leaned forward to release the tiny frogs into the little stream. A bigger one jumped up on her wrist.

“It’s a nice day, isn’t it.”

Karkat grunted, side-glared at the cheerful, glistening stream and the intensely blue sky. The temperature was perfect for t-shirts, the sunlight a gentle caress on his (still weirdly reddish) skin. “Too bright. Also I really fucking miss the internet. Been trying to keep busy but I swear to God I’ve been having cravings. I’m this close to stealing some surplus computers and teaching the kids in the village how to type so there’s _someone_ new to have a flame war with, but I’d have to teach them how to read first. Ugh. It’s getting claustrophobic with only Sollux. And Dave and Jade and Roxy, I guess, but everyone else is like, oh, I have other things to do _outside the hive_ now. _Ugh_.”

Kanaya pinched her lips, patted his shoulder gravely, and provided him with a huge lap toad, who croaked disapprovingly at him. Karkat sighed, petted its weird pebbly hide dutifully.

“Which god would you be swearing to?” she mused. Karkat cringed.

“Oh lususfuck on a toboggan, one of us is totally gonna end up god of the internet when it finally gets around to getting created. No. _Fuck_ this. Fuck this up one nostril and down _three_ urethras, I’m going to become a computerless hermit starting now. This is me, Nature Karkat, in my new glade home. How do you do. ”

Kanaya laughed in his face. He was about to keep expounding on the bush that was now his new sleeping room and the damp rocks hiding his squirming future dinner, but then.

“ … Kanaya, your frog just shat on me.”

“So that’s a no on Nature Karkat, then?” she asked, laughing with her fangs out, and stood up with a hand held for him to take.


End file.
